He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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