I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
