my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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