I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
