what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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