Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
