got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
