We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
