i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
