I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
