i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
