weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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