I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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