I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
