The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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