I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize