So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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