I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
