dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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