We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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