I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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