sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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