I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
