Someone shit on the floor
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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