whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh god the rape fog is back!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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