the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
