Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
