her vagine was all disorganized.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
