omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
