eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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