I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
