Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
