her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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