just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
