Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
