i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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