here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
