I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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