went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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