3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
