I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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