I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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