I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
