I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
