he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
