So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
