Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's rum buckets o'clock
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