She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
