Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
