I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
