does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize