i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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