the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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