I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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