i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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