just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
