when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
