i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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