We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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