that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
