Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You made out with two different species that night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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