I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
