no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
