First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
organizing the empties. That sober.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
