Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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