so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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