Kiss
Puke
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
