OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
