Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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