I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
