so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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