Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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