My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
