I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
