i would punch a child for taco bell
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
