And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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