Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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