we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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