Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
