i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
