If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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