I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
