you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
